Funked And Frittery

I spent yesterday writing a post on Fleabane and Edna Walling which today, on revisiting, has struck me as randomly twee. Although I do have a passion for both, I have struggled with the writing because a mid war Australian garden designer and a pretty little plant that graces every corner it colonises, are just not providing the up lift I need in this time of Corona.

When you are having a singular experience, it feels easy to share with others because it is something you can bring which is novel , new, outside the everyday. But this virus is universal , it is a given which everyone is experiencing and in this country, the remedy is to constrain interaction. Novel experience is in short supply. This is particularly true for those of us who do not go out to work or share a home with others who voyage beyond the confines of the front door on a regular basis, returning with stories of the outside world.

I decided after ditching writing about the gardener and the plant that isolation ( ISO ) feels like living in custard, the bright yellow powder kind, not the made from scratch with eggs. And after I decided this I was reminded how ridiculously affected a middle class class white woman with relative affluence, and many resources, who does not have to take risks, can sound.

A part of me resents that I feel like I can`t sulk or behave badly or whinge about my current circumstance which I don`t really feel like doing but would like to be able to option. Conversely I also feel like I have had my fill of gratitude, life affirmations,and the doing of positive activities and tasks which I don`t really feel like doing but would also like to be able to option. Basically I am funked.

It is my first day of funk which I have celebrated by not getting up and putting on my "work clothes " , not undertaking any anxiety containing routines, not attending to any tasks that my responsible self would address, eating a rather fabulous slice of almond, ricotta and peel cake with chocolate ganache that I made earlier, for breakfast, and only washing my hands every second touching task even though I live alone and have not been outside the house, nor had visitors in my house.

What has sustained me has been lying on the sofa, covered by my late mum`s special blue blanket , and watching all the programs other people in my life have recommended to me in the past few weeks as well as some I have recommended to my self but not got around to watching because I have not lain down. I have been steadfast in the face of threat, valiant, big girl pants on.

Ok, they are off today. I have watched Fortune Feimster, an American comedian, who seems to owe a little to Hannah Gadsby whose "Nannette "I decide to revisit and then see that she has "Russell "which I haven`t seen and will when I finish this. I watch Flea bag and think of lots of fabulous women who defy stereotypes and are not celebrated for it and should be. So I watch a bit of Frankie and Grace recommended by a same age friend with whom I have had some Frankie and Grace moments. The I watch a movie, The Best Of Me which is uniquely personal for the person who recommended it to me. and so poignant in its resonances for them that I cry. A lot.

I watch Miriam Margolyes Big Fat adventure and now Donald Trump is squinting in the daylight of a press conference posturing for the sole purpose of deflecting blame from himself. I am horrified by the naked Emperor so I opt for a story reading from Audible and finish the Normal People, narrated by the author who has a soothing irish lilt. I think I nap. I lay and look at the sky and reflect on our humanity, our vulnerability and our valiant selves. I do like that valiant quality we all have.

So I decide to get up and face the day. But I can not seem to summon the necessary. Not today. I am going to watch Hannah Gadsby`s other show which if it is anything like Nannette will permanently rearrange my perceptions and wipe out the emotions left over from The Best of Me. I might need some Antiques Roadshow after that and a quick look at the Rude Dog video which makes me roar with laughter because it captures the ennui of ISO everytime. I have not shared it because it is liberal in its use of the F word and may offend. Unlike my F words for today. Today I am Funked and Frittery.