It is Now

A lot of time has passed since I began this blog and events have conspired to stop me writing… the need to care for my elderly mother, her death, loss of family and my childhood home and an overwhelming ennui and grief at other sadness’s presented by life.

I have been treading water. Dolphin like however, there have been some joys. I discovered Bali and fell in love with the Balinese people. I have rehabbed a severely broken leg to manage the potholes and stairs of Asia on several wonderful travels. I have had a studio built and begun work on a garden. I have made plans to travel again. Istanbul to London by train. I have been careful in my care of the old Tortoiseshell cat and she has regained some essence of kitten and a modicum of cognitive decline which reminds me of my mother at the end of her 91 years. My four beautiful fowl, two Wyandottes and two Light Sussex have also been a source of gorgeous eggs and constant amusement.

I have been enormously grateful for my privilege however dissatisfied with my contribution, as fires, drought and climate change denial have savaged our country. I have grappled with making meaning of this stage of my life whilst embracing my age and refusing to be defined by the steady stream of funeral insurance ads into my inbox and the not so subtle ageism of daily life. I have embraced the Seniors card.

Which of course, has given me some privileges in this time of Pandemic. Ah, the P word or perhaps more aptly, the C word. There I have said it and even as I do, I feel an overwhelming sense of overwhelming.

Flight, fight and freeze….the three reactions to threat. Flight, was the first option off the table. In a global pandemic, there is no where to run and symbolically, aviation was the first industry to shut down. Freezing has perhaps been evident in the groups reportedly partying together and crowding venues in defiance of the social distancing required for minimal safe congress. I have certainly found it hard to formulate a plan or even to want to think about necessary things like chook food and kitty litter. ( Of which I now have 60 kilos…this is another story, slightly embarrassing, which demonstrates what panic, wine and online shopping can do to the best laid plans ! )

Fight is what we must all do. Not amongst ourselves , as the examples of unedifying behaviour in supermarkets recently demonstrated or in increases in family violence as the family violence practitioners warn. We must fight for our health and the health of others by obeying the rules. I am no fan of politicians but when I see the tired faces of our leaders, I can only respect the enormity of the tasks which confront them. They deserve my respect and at a time when I know nothing, my obedience.

So being a senior, with a thirty year smoking history, I am bunkering in with the old cat and the birds whose little feathery bodies feel like a gentle pat when they swoosh past my legs looking for seed. I am going to fight for my health, my sanity, constructive activity, continued gratitude, love, laughter and communications with people who are important to me.

To that end I am going to publish this blog, some of which I began before our world tilted on its axis. Hopefully I will hone some writing skills for all the “gunna do” projects I have considered in these last few idle years. I suspect it may be a random assortment of posts, reflective of this random assorted year. It is my contribution as we navigate our necessarily circumscribed lives. Let us just see where it goes.